Refulgence and Psychopathy

Well… fml.

Apparently he’s been dating some girl since homecoming. I found out at random today through the means of overhearing an annoying freshman teasing him about it. Then I had to sit the entire period either discussing it with him or sitting there in Emergency Emotion Survival Mode. So then I went to my next class, immediately broke down, and got my mother to come get me.

Why?

• 25 Oct 2011

Well screw that

I took all the love songs off my ipod. I’m tired of being pathetically in love where there’s no hope.

• 11 Sep 2011

Nothing like a good theological discussion in the middle of the night.

• 18 Jul 2011

Honestly,

I’m glad the Season of Depressing Inactivity (being summer) is almost over.

I’m so ridiculously introverted that, if left to myself for a few months, I get to the point where I live every day on the verge of anxiety attack from lack of being drawn outside myself.

…

• 15 Jul 2011

So liek I’m the only one of my friends not seeing Harry Potter tonight…

Since I’m not even allowed to watch/read HP at all…

• 14 Jul 2011

Dear Mother Nature,

I hate your monthly gifts almost as much as I hate you. Go away.

Sincerely, women everywhere

• 28 Jun 2011
• 2

MAH BUKKIT LIST.

This bukkit list is subject to additions as I think of more crap I wanna do.

-go to Ireland

-find someone who actually might be willing to marry me

-scuba dive

-go paragliding

-travel the world

-get kicked out of walmart

-perform on piano at a legit concert hall and actually be successful

-be in MCM

-burst into song in a public place and have people join in

-serve my country in some useful way

-write a book

-learn how to sing & play piano at the same time

-be in zero gravity

-record an album

-live somewhere awesome that’s not Trussville

-go on a mission trip in one of the really poor African countries

-survive highschool

-go horseback riding somewhere awesome

-go spelunking

-own a legit sword, preferably a Master Sword or a katana

-teach a child to say OMNOMNOM while it’s eating

-teach a child to respond to Charmander

-read all of The Silmarillion

-read the Bible all the way through

-donate my hair to Locks of Love

-play at an open mic night besides my awkward Debussy performance last summer

-go on a long walk at night without getting kidnapped

-go swimming with dolphins

-walk through a drive through

-talk in a British accent solidly for a whole day

-learn to converse in Japanese

-and Gaelic

-and Spanish

-ask John Parker Wilson to marry me a third time

-pronounce “on” correctly

• 27 Jun 2011
• 1

My big brother, with all his faults, had a truly generous and caring heart. He loved his sisters, our mother, and his daughter dearly; probably better than himself.

I was only eight when he died, and try as I might to hold on to them, my memories of him are fading. I was too young to know anyone on a deep level, anyway. One of my keenest wishes is to know my brother, and for him to know me as I am now, a young woman.

I know that someday we’ll meet again, but right now heaven seems distant. I presumably have my whole life ahead of me, and I have to wonder how it would be if I hadn’t lost so valuable a friend as Joe would have been.

I need someone to look after me in my inevitably stupid teenage years. He always did until I was eight, but now is the time when I need it most. This is probably part of the reason I reach out to older guys - to try to find the brother figure I miss, though Joe would warn me to be careful with them if he were here.

Most of the reason, though, is that I see him in every troubled boy around me. I know about the inward struggle, the bottling it inside oneself, the anger, the heartache that young men feel. I know that if they aren’t helped, it’s possible that the boys I know may share Joe’s fate, and I’m terrified of that happening. I want to help them, give them someone to talk to, and most importantly point them to the Savior.

I just wish someone could have helped my big brother before it was too late.

• 27 Jun 2011